I have anxiety, and wouldn’t be surprised if I have depression too – especially based on my recent behaviors, or lack there of.
Lately, I’ve been stuck in bed with no motivation to do anything. I ran out of my anxiety medication, which has made me physically ill and mentally unavailable. My emotions are out of control and my thoughts are constantly spinning.
Today, I woke up around 9:00 am, getting out of bed at 10:00. I had the intention of trying to pull myself out of this slump I have been experiencing. I had my morning coffee, changed my clothes, and primped my hair and face. I filmed and edited my latest coffee chat. After, I planned to make my April budget and update my bullet journal. I had nothing but positive goals for today.
Apparently, my mental health had other ideas in mind. In the blink of an eye, I did a complete 180, returning to the mess I had been the past week. My thoughts and emotions were spinning out of control. I was drowning.
It’s currently just after 5:00 pm and I have no idea how I got here. How did I miss an entire day? How did I miss the sun? The fresh air? The promise of pressing restart?
Mental health has a funny way of manifesting itself. It can control what you do and how you feel. The most important thing you can do is take it hour by hour, day by day.
Today, I have to accept the fact that I am not as strong as I thought I was, and that’s okay. Mental health is a journey of baby steps, and while the small process can be infuriating, at least I’m still walking.
–MG
