My partner LOVES bikes. He’s an artist and a bike mechanic; a very hands-on type of person. When we first started dating, he would always ride his bike to my house with a giant smile on his face.
When I was a little girl, I LOVED riding my bike. I loved feeling the wind in my hair and thinking I was cool for riding no-handed. As I got older, I didn’t ride as much. I moved out of quiet neighborhoods, started driving, and eventually went off to college, leaving a lot of my items behind.
My senior year of college, I moved into a house near the university and brought my bike back into existence. I was so excited, until I got on. My relationship with this bike had changed, thanks to my anxiety. Every time I rode, I was so embarrassed. Sometimes I had to walk my bike, because I was so out of shaped and the area I live in is very hilly. People would stare, sometimes laugh. I’d stop somewhere nearby and cry for a bit. Naturally, I stopped riding.
My partner wanted to share his love of bikes with me, but gave up after many times of me shutting him down. I was afraid he would laugh at me like everyone else did. He didn’t know that I used to love bikes, and I was afraid he would think I knew nothing about them. I was afraid to feel stupid and afraid of taking chances, as I didn’t want to get embarrassed again.
He was unaware of these feelings for a long time, until several months ago I finally caved and went riding with him. At one point, I lost my balance and immediately started crying as I anticipated his judgment. He had no idea what was happening — we weren’t super great at communicating at the time.
I lashed my feelings at him — I’m harsh when I’m embarrassed — and after an exhaustingly long talk, we finally reached a realization:
- We had some communication issues we needed to work on.
- He wasn’t judging… I was.
- We both needed to be vulnerable with each other to open up our trust.
Now, we ride bikes everywhere. We even bought couples’ bikes for our anniversary (pictured above). We communicate well, resolve conflict quickly, and trust each other with everything. All of this could’ve happened on its own, but I believe this experience really challenged us to grow as a team.
My love for bikes is back, and my love for my partner is even greater.
–MG
